About being an adult and friends and parenting.
I came to a conclusion tonight.You know how high school is great for helping awkward teenagers find friends? It's the forced interactions, the homeroom class, the accidentally "falling in" with the group of friends you just HAPPEN to fall into. It's being at the same place at the same time with the same kids, and at some point - relationships organically form. I didn't really have that much in common with my friends in high school, we just both happened to hate the new choir teacher and share the same lunch table. I've decided that being a parent will be the next form of high school in my life. When you're a parent, all of a sudden you have these friends that just HAPPEN because of interactions with your child. It doesn't matter how much you have in common with these people, as long as you're at the same volleyball games over and over. Or as long as you're in the same playgroup, or PTA meetings, or as long as your kids are friends with each other. There is instantly something to talk about - "Hey, you'll never guess what Little Johnny did last night" and so on. I'm actually looking forward to this some day. I think having some forced friendships might be good for me. :)
5 comments
Nov 01, 2009
heartless_gamer said...
In the short 2 months we've had our little dude, I have to 100% agree. Its amazing how fast you run into other parents and start up a conversation.
Nov 02, 2009
Trudy said...
I couldn't disagree more. Simply knowing someone or even having a single shared interest (children) is not the same as friendship. I feel that this word is used to cavalierly, especially in the age of social media with "friend invites" and "friend lists." Many of these forced interactions between parents are competitive playgrounds of oneupsmanship and quite toxic. Two women should have more to them than their offspring to discuss. While that is an amazing and wonderful topic, life for a woman begins long before motherhood, although motherhood can add a different perspective just as other life experiences do. I think respecting the institution of friendship and making it a type of relationship that matters and has priority in one's life is the best way to secure genuine friendships. Actually, I find the word genuine friendship to be redundant because a friend can only be real; anything else is something else.
Nov 02, 2009
Tami Baribeau said...
Trudy, I understand what you're saying. I wasn't referring to best friends, and I definitely don't mean that it is the only thing they'll have in common.I mean for people who have a hard time meeting other people, who maybe don't drink, don't go out much, and don't have a social circle - it does end up being a good way to meet people. I've seen plenty of people make lasting friendships in their playgroups and parent groups because it brings people together.
I certainly don't mean that becoming a parent is all you are and all you have to talk about. I mean it's a great way to meet people, is all.
Nov 02, 2009
Trudy said...
I see what you mean as far as socializing. I guess it is the way I perceive the word "friend." I realize that everyone doesn't use the word in the same manner. I still think that healthy friendships are possible outside of parenthood. I am an introvert who doesn't do any of the things you mentioned either (i.e. really drink, go out etc.) nor am I parent and I still have good friendships. The person has to want to build those connections and shouldn't wait for parenthood for them to occur. It's possible to build healthy 1 to 1 or 1 to 2 relationships with other adults despite being introverted. I realize that the extroverts in the world will have the long friend list so I understand what you mean completely. Long friend lists don't always mean quality though. Good post, very thought-provoking. :)
